Lost Blog Entry! And an update.

I found this (from February) when I went to update today. So I will post it first and then add an addendum in a new post.

This is going to sound trite, but...

Are there any books out there that help you improve your self esteem after you've had none for the last ten to fifteen years? I've found books that deal with a woman accepting her size, heavy, but not about how to feel thin. Or how to appreciate your new body.


Yesterday I had a really good day. I got dressed and caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of our oven in the kitchen. I look really toned and trim. I was pleased. That was probably a first.


I look down and still see myself mostly the way I was. Part of that is due to the scarring, extra skin and stretchmarks from my last pregnancy. I can grasp that. I accept that without surgery, that's probably there to stay. And it's not like I'm young enough to wear a bikini anymore anyways.


And deep down I know I'm smaller. If I can waflle between figuring out buying an extra small tee shirt and small tee shirt to see which one fits better, I know I'm doing something right. If I can buy size 3 or 5 pants in the juniors department, I know I'm smaller.


But why is it when I get dressed when I look at myself, and even though the clothes fit, I look the same?


I felt truly better after I got a haircut. I felt free and young. I felt automatically less dumpy. Less "mom"-ish. I took a picture of myself yesterday. And I posted it to my Myspace page. I haven't done that in years. It was odd that I found myself doing that.